Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
