Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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