yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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