I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Randomize
