I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
