I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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