Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
