you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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