Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
