you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
