I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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