Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
