She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
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