Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
