Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
