I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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