Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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