My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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