Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Fuck appropriateness.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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