I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The air was thick with penises
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
