I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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