but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
