I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
