You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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