i just wanna soil my oats bro
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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