As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
