I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I AM VODKA MAN
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
