hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
