actually, I'm a sock model
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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