I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
