in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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