i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
