somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You're like the curious george of whores
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
