My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I need a beard to bite.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
