matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I want to be your penis for a week.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
