Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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