4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
