M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
