So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
