Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
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I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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