I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
