so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
