Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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