i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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