Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
