Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
