I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
