Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
