This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
