I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
