So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
