Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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