she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
you had me at cake vodka
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
