I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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