so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Semen is not good for contacts.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
