i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
