Whod you bang
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
