I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
