I wish I only lived at night.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I need to sanitize my soul.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
