Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
