i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
