I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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