its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
