I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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