I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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