Are we in a gay sports bar?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
