Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
