I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
