...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We're too hungover to prance.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
