It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
