Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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