I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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