I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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