I'm passing your future prison.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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