I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
