i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
