The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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