So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
