Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
