Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
