Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
