Screwed.edu
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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