he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
