There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
