went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
